How to Forgive Others Who Have Hurt You
How to forgive others who have hurt you? In life, you are going to get hurt. You are going to hurt other people. Nobody is perfect. When we hurt family and friends, we ask for forgiveness. When we get hurt, we need to offer up the same forgiveness that we ask for.
We are to forgive as Christ forgave us
God is very clear about forgiveness. All throughout the scriptures, there is mention of forgiving one another. It is very evident that God wants us to love and be compassionate towards one another.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” Ephesian 4:32 (NIV)
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25 (NIV)
“Do not judge, and you will not be judge. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37 (NIV)
Throughout the scriptures, God reminds us to forgive. God’s Word says that our actions towards the person who did us wrong needs to be one of kindness, tenderness, forgiveness, not one of anger bitterness and revenge.
When we are hurt, our natural inclination is to go into protective mode, to build walls, and not let anything like that happen again. We want to make them pay for the hurt that they have done to us. They were not kind and tender to me, why should we be kind and tender to them.
We are to forgive because God forgave us first. When we were not looking, asking, or deserving forgiveness, Christ paid to forgive us anyways.
Sometimes it may feel that the wrong that was done to you was too grievous to be forgiven. It feels that some sins are too big to be forgiven. God does not make one sin more grievous than another sin. He does not say to forgive the small sins, but you do not need to forgive the bigger sins. All sins need to be forgiven no matter how grievous.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
What does it mean to forgive?
Forgiveness is making a deliberate choice to release the need for vengeance and harboring resentment towards those who have caused you harm.
When we forgive someone, we are seeking to free ourselves. Forgiving is the process of letting go of our anger, pain and desire for revenge. It’s about healing ourselves and setting us free from the hurt and anger so that we can move on healed from the hurt that’s been done to us.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are closing your eyes and pretending that what happened didn’t hurt nor does it matter. Forgiveness does not mean that you are letting the person off the hook for what they have done. Forgiveness is not forgetting or minimizing the wrong that was done. It’s not reconciling and it’s not pretending that everything is fine.
The purpose behind forgiveness is not to free them from the blame, but to transform your own anger and hurting into healing and positivity.
Benefits of forgiving
Forgiveness is beneficial to both your psychological and physical well-being.
When you focus on the hurt instead of the healing, you are holding on to the negative aspects of the experience. This negativity can perpetuate the pain, anger and other emotions. People who hold on these negative aspects of pain and anger end up having more cardiovascular problems, a weakened immune system and increased symptoms of anxiety and depression.
When you forgive someone, it eliminates the negative experiences of stress and inner conflict and helps to restore positive feeling, behaviors and thoughts. Forgiveness is often related to lower heart rate, lower blood pressure, and greater stress relief. It can also reduce fatigue and improve sleep quality. Forgiveness can help you improve your mental an emotional health because it leads to overcoming feelings of rage anxiety and depression.
Forgiving others releases us from anger and allows us to receive the healing we need. When you make peace with what has happened, only than can you let it go and move on.
Reaching a state of forgiveness:
Forgiveness is a process that will take time, effort and energy. It is not something that is going to happen overnight.
Before you forgive, you need to identify what needs healing. You need to identify who needs to be forgiven and for what. Sometimes this is easier said than done. You need to stop and take a good look at what has happened and the wrongs that have been done. For example, if you just went through a divorce, you need to evaluate all aspects of what led up to the divorce and see who and what needs to be forgiven for the actions that led up to the divorce and not just forgive the divorce itself.
Acknowledge your emotions about the harm that has been done to you and how it has affected you. When you have been hurt by someone, you probably feel a mixture of emotions. Pain, anger, confusion, betrayal, among many other emotions. Know that it is okay to feel what you are feeling. Don’t let anyone else judge your feelings and tell you that you should not be feeling that way that you should be feeling this way. Accepting your feeling and allowing them to be is one of the easiest ways to work through them. When you push your feeling down and try to ignore them, it can prevent you from working through them and being able to forgive.
Pray about your situation and ask for God’s help. Forgiveness holds the power to free us from the pain and anger that takes root when other wrong us. Turn to God to find the power and guidance to help you forgive and move forward.
When you have reached the state of forgiveness, you will be able to move away from your role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. You will be at peace with
Key Reminders about Forgiveness
As you start your path to forgiveness, there are a few reminders to keep in mind.
1. God commands in his scriptures for us to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us.
2. We are to forgive all sins, no matter how grievous.
3. Forgiveness is not to free them from blame, but to transform your own anger and hurt into healing and positivity.
4. Recognize the value of forgiveness and how forgiving can improve your life.
5. Acknowledge your emotions about the harm that has been done. Know that it is okay to feel what every you are feeling at the time.
6. When you forgive, you are not excusing the other person’s action.
7. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are forgetting what happened.
8. Forgiving is something that you do for yourself, not something you do for the other person.
9. Forgiveness starts with a mental decision. You must be willing and ready to be able to let go of the resentment.
10. Forgiveness is a process and does not take place overnight. You need time to work through the emotions that are connected to the wrong before you can truly forgive.
When you forgive, you are accepting the reality of what happened. You are finding a way to let go of all the negativity and live in a state of resolution.
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An interesting take on such a complex topic. Forgiveness can be a long process that needs to be taken by said person in order to actually feel that weight lift up their shoulders. It shouldn’t be something that they have to do because someone else told them to. We all sin every day, that’s not going to change and I don’t think that forgiveness should be something that’s mandatory. It’s a decision not a demand.
You are right, forgiveness is a process that is going to take time, effort and energy. You can’t just forgive someone because someone else told you to do so. This is not true forgiveness. Forgiveness has to be your choice.
Hello there,
When it comes to forgiveness, it is something that has no end. Almost every day we are confronted with an event that requires forgiveness. Even though sometimes it is hard, forgiving is a command from God that must be carried out.
That said, it is the hardest that my mom has ever done. My dad cheated on her many times and yet she accepted him and they are still married up to this day (34 years). The process was painful for her and because she thinks of us, her children, she stayed strong. The thing is, she said she can forgive but she won’t forget. Therefore, whenever they have an argument or if there is a quarrel, that past stuff would be brought up again. So that means my dad was never fully forgiven. I can understand why since I am a woman too. Being betrayed by our spouse is like a nightmare. However, my sister and I keep reminding mom that it is important to let bygones be bygones, forgive dad fully and release the anger because that will not only good for her mental health but also good in God’s eyes. I learn from Matthew 6:15 that if we don’t forgive, then we won’t be forgiven.
True forgiveness is hard. It takes time and patience. Saying you’re forgiven and true forgiveness are not the same thing. I pray that your mom will find it in her heart to truly forgive your dad.
I love your posts, I’m a Catholic from the Philippines and forgiveness is one of the virtue the religion is teaching us. These kind if Blogs should be out there in the World. I will promote your site in my social media pages. Thank you for this
Thank you for helping spread the message.
Thank you for this beautiful insight. Forgiveness feels hard and it is actually hard but the benefits makes the process worth it. Forgiveness is a gift to oneself , the weight of holding a grudge is not worth it. It is healing to forgive, it gains you the right standing with God and who doesnt want that .It doesnt happen overnight but the journey is empowering.
Forgiveness does take time, effort and energy. But the benefits you receive through forgiveness is well worth your it.
Love this post. I am Christian and forgiveness is something important to me. We should not be angry at people for a long period of time because that sits within us and we carry it every day. So it only affects us negative. Forgive and you will feel much better. Thanks again for this post reminding us such an important thing.