Ten Important Tips for Forgiveness

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong” Mahatama Gandhi

We all have been hurt by someone at one point in our life. Chances are we have been hurt by different people at different times in our life. When we feel that we have been treated badly by someone, trust is broken and our hearts are hurt. We need to learn to let go of the anger and pain. We need to be able to forgive so that we can heal and move on. Forgiveness has the power to change your life.

Below I’ve listed some tips for forgiveness to help you through your forgiveness process.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is making a deliberate choice to release the need for vengeance and harboring resentment towards those that have cause you harm. It is transforming your own anger and hurt into healing and positivity. Forgiveness is releasing us from the anger which allows us to receive the healing we need. It is letting go of the past so that we can move on.

Forgiveness is NOT letting the offender off the hook. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting or minimizing the wrong that was done. Forgiveness is NOT denying what had happened. Forgiveness is NOT condoning the other persons actions. Forgiveness is NOT closing your eyes and pretending that what happened didn’t hurt. Forgiveness is NOT letting the offense recur again and again. Forgiveness is NOT reconciling.

Forgiveness is for Your Benefit

“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” Jonathan Huie

Forgiveness is for your benefit NOT theirs. Forgiving is something you do for you NOT something you do for them. Forgiving has the power to free you. When we focus on the hurt that has been done and the suffering, we are constantly being pulled back into the past and relieving the pain over. When you forgive someone, you are releasing your own emotional burdens surrounding the person and event. Forgiveness enables us to move on.

Many people may argue that the offender does not “deserve” to be forgiven. But you “deserve” to forgive them. You deserve to freedom to be happy again. You deserve to enjoy the peace that exists when you forgive. You deserve the power to create a different future, one that is free from the hurt and pain.

Forgiveness is Beneficial to your Health

When you forgive someone, it eliminates the negative experiences of stress and inner conflict and helps to restore positive feeling, behaviors and thoughts. Forgiveness is often related to lower heart rate, lower blood pressure, and greater stress relief. It can also reduce fatigue and improve sleep quality. Forgiveness can help you improve your mental and emotional health because it leads to overcoming the feelings of rage anxiety and depression.

Forgiveness is a Process

Forgiveness is a process that takes time, effort and energy. Forgiveness is not something that is just going to happen overnight. It takes time to fully recognize what has happened and how it has impacted you. You need to go through the process of forgiving before you can release all the anger and resentment and be able to let go. Recognize that it is going to take time and commit to forgiving.

Acknowledge your Feelings

When you have been hurt by someone, you probably feel a mixture of emotions. Pain, anger, confusion, betrayal, among many other emotions. Know that it is okay to feel what you are feeling. Don’t let anyone else judge your feeling and tell you what you should be feeling.

It is okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Accepting your feeling and allowing them to be is one of the easiest ways to work through them. When you push your feelings down and try to ignore them, it can prevent you from working through your feelings and being able to forgive.

Take Responsibility for How you Choose to Respond

The only person you can control is yourself. You cannot control the actions of others. But you do have the power to change how you react to a situation. When you choose to dwell on the situation and what happened, you are giving the other person power over your actions. When you take responsibility for how you chose to respond, then you are giving yourself the power.

Focus on the Present

You cannot go back and change what has happened. Many times when we are hurt we focus on what could have been, or what if’s. When you focus on the past, it causes unhappiness and stress. If it was a traumatic experience, you will be experiencing the trauma over and over. Instead, focus on the present moment. What happened happened and we can not change it. But we can focus on the present and how to heal from it.

Breathe

Taking deep breaths allows us to relax and remain calm in situations. Deep breathing is one of the best ways to lower stress in your body. When you take a deep breath it sends a message to your brain to calm down and relax. When you start to relax, you will notice that your heart rate starts to slow down, your breathing becomes normal and your blood pressure starts to lower. When you start to feel stressed or upset about a situation, stop and take a few minutes to take a couple of deep breaths. As you inhale, imagine that there is peace entering your life and feeling you up with joy. As you exhale, imagine all the pain from that past that you have experienced being released from your body.

Develop a forgiving mind through empathy

“Before we can forgive one another, we have to understand one another.” Emma Goldman

Research has shown that empathy is associated with forgiveness. When you can show empathy for the person then it will make the process of forgiving that person easier. When you examine some of the details in the life of the person who harmed you, you can often see more clearly what wounds they carry and start to develop empathy for them. When you develop empathy for someone, you may recognize them as a vulnerable person who was wounded and wounded you in return. You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.

Get Help if you Need It

Sometimes it may be difficult to forgive. This especially true if the offending act was traumatic or ongoing. If you are having a difficult time dealing with what had happened and having a hard time to forgive, it may be beneficial to work with a therapist who can help you work through your feelings and support you through the process.